Seventeen.

I believe that everything happens for a reason.

I believe that not one instance in our lives is irrelevant, and I believe that each moment that passes means much.

Often times I catch my self wondering, "Why am I going through this?"

How predictible, simply humanistic.

I try so hard to recall my faith on this subject everytime something does not go my way, and everytime I am confused about what is going on.

And each and everytime I draw the same conclusion as the instance before.

Life is crazy, and love is crazier.

But I have the assurance of knowing that my plans have been mapped out perfectly, even since before I was born.I have the blessing of a king that cares so much for me that each moment in my life leads to another in an extremely relevant, and amazing way.

And somehow, even when I mess up and do my own thing, those moments that hurt, and those moments of vunerability, lead to a beautiful moment.

And this beautiful moment, which is life, leads to a perfect eternity with the creator of the universe.

My heart aches for those who don't know, and those who do not believe.

Because they don't have this assurance.

Without this, without knowing that what I am going through has a purpose, and a significance in my perfectly divine plan, my life would be a jumble of an emotional, scared, paranoid mess.

Because of this I am able to breathe, and not stress.

I am able to lay back and relax while I live moment to moment; and enjoy each passing one.

I can smile when nothing good has even happened, and I can laugh in the worst possible moments because I am living for a king whose love is greater than any.

I am living for a king who is smiling back, and knowing that one day I will understand why everything happens, and when that happens, I will forever be seated at His throne and in His presence.

My smile right now is huge.

It is not happiness I have.

It is joy.

Pure Joy.

Goodnight, World.

I hope you seek this peace.

sixteen.

Life has been going wonderful lately, absolutely perfect.
I got rid of the bad in my life, and have begun to embrace the good; and to hold on to the joy I have. I have begun to appreciate even the smallest of things, and seek happiness from them. I have opened my heart and allowed vunerability, and allowed myself to truly care about someone who is absolutely wonderful.
This is something that is very hard for me to do, because I am so afraid to be hurt. I build walls, in hopes to stay safe, and sometimes I end up more hurt in the end because sometimes, I have learned, it is good to feel pain rather than nothing at all, rather than numbness. Just to ensure yourself that you are alive, and have not become hard to emotion.
I have changed a great amount in the past few months of living here, and I am really enjoying who God is molding me into. I have become passive about small things that have no significance, and I do not stress about anything anymore. What is the point?
What is the point to not be happy, what is the point to see the bad in everything? It is just hurting yourself.
Through my self discovery I am learning much patience, and this for me is much needed.
I have decided to let God work, and I will do my job, and wait. My God can see much more than I can, and I trust that his plans for me are perfect.

No longer will I be afraid to feel.



"Sometimes though, we build walls, not to keep people out; but to see who cares enough to knock them down."


All for now, World.